textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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