dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
