I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
