I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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