I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
