# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
