where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
