After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
