some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
