Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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