is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
