apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
