this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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