My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
