New invention idea: vibrating tampons
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
