Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
