I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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