I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
