they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
