Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
