Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
