I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
