I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
