Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
