please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
