think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
