So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
