New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
