if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
