upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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