I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
