I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
