Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
