By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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