I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
