We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
