We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
