and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
