He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
