I think my fart just growled at me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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