so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
