I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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