I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
