Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
