This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
