My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
