I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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