I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
