Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
