if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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