the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
