last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
