Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
