where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
