All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm always down for nudity.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
