Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
