idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
