Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Help. Why am I so naked?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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